The Manor Memoirs of the Vicomtess de Chagny

[ladybarbossa]

These are the personal entries in a journal by Christine Emilie Daaé le Vicomtesse de Chagny, aka Love Never Dies Christine.

These will be mostly in character of her thoughts on what happened, her encounters with certain people, things she's done around the Manor that are not often stated or played out in the threads/forum, and more.
Also some pictures of her suite where she stays, plus clothing and whatever else such as what she's working on for example.

There may or may not have a link to the threads involved of which she was making an entry about.
I'll also try and keep the stories in order. And most likely will go back over each post to edit them if necessary. So it's a good idea to keep coming back and re-reading.

FYI, here is a thread that keeps the stories she's involved in, in a timeline and thread tracker: phantommanor.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=brainstorm&thread=456

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Since coming here to this strange place - a grand Manor - I have encountered unexplainable events and met people here whom by all means, should by in all definition, NOT exist! Their being here has left me bewildered beyond measure.

Here I feel lost and confused. Tortured with the unknown whereabouts of my darling son, Gustave. Though my Husband is here having arrived here soon after I.
So also is... He!

For now, I must go. But I shall recant my experiences since arriving here and perhaps divulge my own thoughts of which I do need most desperately to find a medium to vent, thus these memoirs.

[ladybarbossa]

Oh, where do I start? Dare I say much has happened since my arrival here.
It is so very difficult to gauge what day this is. Or even what year! It is this alone that which I do not post a date in here by any means. But is has been several days at least since my arrival at this mysterious Manor. The estate upon which it sits appears vast. I've yet to truly explore it, both within the Manor and the grounds of the estate.

Since my arrival I have been confused beyond measure. One would clearly think me mad no doubt for what is normal to me. But this Manor is a maddening place. Already I have met a young version of my Husband upon my instant arrival here. Of this I was left in near hysterics. Truly I was mightily confused. As was he.
But that was not the extent of my confusion for upon leaving the Library where I had arrived and met the youthful version of my Husband, I had met a young woman, no older than I when I first sang at the Opera Poplaire. She was lovely with golden hair but her name was that of mine! Christine Daaé! How ever could that be?! She was kind to have shown me a room for which I did take rest within it's walls for a spell. It is a lovely suite, I've inserted pieces of artwork to at least sport the suite.
My third encounter with another in this Manor left me quite shaken! Within the garden outside, I met Him! I'd not seen Him in ten years time! What flood of memories and emotions that returned threatened to snap my sanity. I knew not whether to be repulsed with the fact He was here now or to be delighted! Alas, I was left emotionally compromised after He drew the secret from me. One of which even now I find difficult to pen to paper for risk someone will read this. Once again, He had left me with great sadness.
I was stunned to see my Husband immediately following. Truth be told, I swore that it was a hoax or a mirage. Did I believe he was there? I had difficulty for a time understanding all that had happened. In lieu of our disagreement for my Husband had seen me with Him, of which He still can roil Raoul's blood. Oh, I do wish Raoul would not be threatened so by Erik. However, it's most understandable due in part by events of the past.

After I had rested following a disagreement with my Husband, I had found him outside, cold and half-soaked, barely conscious and seated upon a stone bench. I helped my beloved Husband to a room to rest as it appeared he took ill. So, like the loving Wife I be, I cared for him and attended to his needs whilst his fever spiked and broke. I admit, I did worry about Raoul's well-being.

During this I had reunited with an old friend! Meg Giry! Beyond pleased I was to see her! Recalling our time at the Opera dancing in the Corps de Ballet. Oh, how I did miss her and those bold curiosities. She's no longer the girl I last knew. Then again, neither of us are those long ago girls.

Discovery of a small sitting room with decent comfort and plenty of needlepoint equipage gave me an opportunity to do some embroidery to take my mind off my missing son, Gustave. My poor heart aches for him. It makes no sense that my Husband is here but my son is not. Not knowing where he is and if he's well has left my nerves nearly frayed.
Gardening has also begun to occupy my time. The gardens of the Manor have been sorely neglected and gardening once again would also do good for my poor nerves. Am I trying to forget my son? Heavens, NO! But constant worry of him does not help me nor him any.

Here I shall end it, for I need to attend once more to my ill Husband. Oh, poor Raoul.


Author's notes:

Hallway outside of and double doors that lead to the Vicomtesse's Suite


Foyer as you enter the Vicomtesse's suite


On the left, is a large doorway/archway that branches off into two rooms sort of, mainly leading into the Sitting Room...


... and right next to that doorway/archway is the entrance into her bedroom...


Off from the Sitting Room is the Bathroom.
Viewing into the Bathroom and the right side of the Bathroom...


...the left side view

[ladybarbossa]

New entry for this diary.

First off, I had indeed found the kitchen for to create a consume soup for Raoul. A simple something for him to eat whilst he is ill. Anything heavy shall do him worse.
Looking forward to cooking in the future in such a large kitchen. I've not done so in a long time, I pray I haven't lost the touch.

Also, my poor lovely white dress is overly used! Thank Heaven a couple large trunks had been found within my chambers. Most of the attire very lovely, some of strange fashion. I felt like a little girl trying on the few clothes. I shall try to eventually sketch out the pieces I had found. They are rather flattering.

It was delightful to a bittersweet extent to enjoy some baking and cooking with a couple other women who are also named Christine Daaé! Strange as it seemed, we all have our differences and our similarities. I feel almost as though they were like my sisters! Oh, I've not had any brothers or sisters. This is rather a wonderful feeling. Many goodies were made for those of the Manor. Including our masked Angels.

[ladybarbossa]

Another entry that I guarantee shall not be bland!

This place confuses me so! Not in the lay out or the structure itself, but all that happens within! My Husband was ill for nigh a week. He is well now but I still cannot bring myself to manage facing him. Though caring for him in his Fever, how could I leave the man in such a state? Oh, true, yes I love him. I always have. But... we are no longer the same as we were in our youth. Time does wicked things to Lovers.

I have taken up here to reviving the horribly neglected Gardens in hopes to see it in it's splendor once again. I do love roses so. Plus, needlepoint. I found the items necessary to do some embroidery. Those two means have begun to help.

Further to add here. My God! My God! What have I done!? I returned the other night for my needlework in hopes to lull me for my poor mind races with worry over Gustave. I swore that I went to the correct room but I did not! This Manor is more than confusing.
Low and behold, as I enter, who shall I see? Him! I was by no means well enough dressed. In nothing more than a night chemise and a dressing robe, I felt so inadequate. And yet, despite my plan to obtain my needlepoint, I was drawn into a conversation with Him. Oh, but it was more than a conversation. Lord God in Heaven! Please forgive me! He kissed me! He kissed me and I allowed it! Oh, why?! How could I have allowed such! I did try to end it. But I craved it then! I craved His kiss! How wicked I am! A married woman! To crave the kiss of a man who is not my Husband! Lord God forgive me!

But worse! Raoul found us in that Sitting Room! Furious is an understatement. Worse! They tried to kill one another! Oh, God! I have not been so frightened since that time when He took me below and then freed us.

Oh, but how! How can I forget my Angel of Music! He haunts me so! Again, I once feared him. No longer. Perhaps I changed so much, of which I've no doubt. But He seems to have changed as well. Oh, God, that kiss! In the large Sitting room! He was so kind, so... oh, there is no word to describe Him no longer. Of which I must put Him from my mind but I cannot! He says to leave Him be and forget Him. How can I! Oh, He haunts me so!

Raoul now watches me closely. He does not trust me.

And the youthful Raoul! Oh, the poor young man! I feel so foolish and responsible! I have driven him mad as he now believes I am mad! Perhaps I have gone mad within the walls of this Manor. Oh, God please help me!

On a lighter note, I've continued to personalize the room of which now I occupy. The decor was drab and dusty. But have found a few times to make it more... warm and inviting. At least in this room I will have a place of comfort and solitude.

I have yet to sort through the trunks of clothes and accessories. But have found a rather lovely dressing gown. Though, it is rather sheer, it's still lovely.

[ladybarbossa]

I awoke today to a gloomy, rainy day. Though this did not dampen my spirits. Granted, I am rather sad having not found my little miracle, my Gustave. And my Husband which whom I've not seen in nigh a week but I do ache to see him. I do miss Raoul so.

Today, I decided to at least enjoy the day within the walls of the Manor. Mainly within my chambers. A bit of straightening up is required.

Also, I decided to start going through the trunks to see what lay within them. I feel like Little Lotte discovering something new or opening a present. Thus far I have found a few dresses and some unmentionables which took me by surprise if not my breath away! How ever! I am left speechless at the lovely items! A lovely rose floral day dress, a tea gown of soft pastel colors - which I do adore! -, a couple of blue print upon white dresses one with a lovely blue satin sash, and a white lace dress. Plus as I said, unmentionables - such as two lovely corsets, a satin night chemise, a beautiful white lace dressing robe. Even a couple pairs of shoes! This was within one trunk and I have yet to discover the other half of the trunk! They are such beautiful pieces. I'm flattered! I hope the original owner does not mind my borrowing them.

[ladybarbossa]

I did not sleep well last night. Since I've been here, not only has it been unbelievably strange, but I've been hearing things. I thought I had been going mad! Dismissed it all. But last night once again heard the strange noises. Footsteps, doorknob and door rattled as though someone was trying to enter my suite. Such things have left me unnerved. I can barely rest!

On a lighter note, I had been able to adjust the room as best as I fancy it. Odd that I think of something and it seems to appear. Well, not always. But still... it is odd! I am, to say the least, now comfortable with my chambers.

I hope to get a decent sleep tonight without noises. I dare say, I doubt my nerves can handle any more of it!

[ladybarbossa]

Having assisted the younger golden hair Christine in restoring the Chapel. The hope is that restoration of the Chapel to hold Easter Vigil will add some normalcy to this maddening Manor.

Lord God what a sight! And never had I pitied a man as I do now! Not even my own Erik. But never shall I ever forget his face. A face of Death! He was incredibly tall, lanky, almost too thin for any normal man. Frightened me so, true. But I was disarmed by his fluid dancing. And moreso frightened when he fainted! At my feet! He behaved like a frightened puppy! His name is Erik. Just... Erik. Oh, poor Erik. I dare say, I shan't see the last of him.

[ladybarbossa]

It has been a couple days since I've written within these pages unfortunately. Much has happened. Generally since that night that Raoul found me in the large Victorian Sitting room with Erik. There was no ill intent despite the passionate kiss Erik gave. I have had to purge that from my mind even though it haunts me. Why? Of fear from Raoul, my Husband. He's become rather possessive now. Following me where ever I go. Again, the man whom I sought freedom with has now become my prison! And the man whom was once my prison, I crave Him to be my freedom! I beg it! I should not fear Raoul. But he's obsessed about Erik. Unfortunately his drinking worsens, too. Oh, what am I to do? I am truly a horrid Wife!

I have attempted to do some embroidery after I was locked within Raoul's bedroom for a night, kept at his side. He was afraid I would slip off to Him! I had made a breakfast with good fair for him to dine upon.
I have also tried to cooking and baking.

Despite everything, nothing can ease my aching heart and my troubled mind. More and more, I feel as though I shall not awake one day. And illness threatens to keep me to bed.
God, oh, Lord in Heaven! Be this my punishment for all I have done? I beg for your Forgiveness, my Lord! Please have mercy upon my soul!

[ladybarbossa]

It has been a couple days since last I had written in here. I am still conflicted. My love for both Raoul and Erik has placed me at odds not only with myself but with them!
I am feeling more stable despite the troubles that continue here. Calm and peace has attempted to mellow me. But it is truly difficult. How can I ignore Erik? And worse, my concern for Raoul grows with his continued drinking and hatred towards Erik.
I cannot loathe or hate the man whom has now been so kind and gentle with me since I've arrived. And of all things, a Hero! Having rescued the golden hair Christine and her fianceé who recently arrived! Not once, but twice! Sounds so unlike Erik it seems. But yet, not since He let Raoul and I go to be together and wed. He's... changed. It's obvious He's had a change of heart.

Otherwise, I have enjoyed some time with the other Christines here. Baking and cooking, cleaning and restoring the Manor. Plus conversing with the women. We three are so conflicted in each individual way.
The fair hair young Christine is troubled. As much as I. We spoke privately. She revealed her tormented feelings for her Maestro. Another Erik from the sounds of it. Of which, I could barely be of assistance. But offered her words of wisdom. If you call it that. Wisdom? How dare I give such words of advice when I myself am in need of them! I am infatuated with a man of my past who is not my Husband! I should not have given her words of advice and wisdom.

I still continue to work in the Garden to restore it. Doing some cooking and baking much to Raoul's delight. When time permits, some needlework or perhaps exploring. I still am searching for my little Gustave. I am burdened with his absence.

I've sorted through the trunks found in my suite. Some fantastically lovely dresses. I do wonder where they came from and who's attire they once belonged to. Also found shoes and other accessories.

[ladybarbossa]

This Manor as always, continues to confuse me. Even daily I do my duties to keep my mind settled, as conflicted as it is. So heavily conflicted. As conflicted as my poor heart and soul are.

I met two other Phantoms here at the Manor. Monsieur Carriere and Monsieur Lavalais. Despite it all, they were quite charming. Though, granted, Raoul - either of them - would think me mad! But I assure you, I am not mad. Both men were complete Gentlemen.
Monsieur Lavalais I took tea with at his residence. A fine tea it was. And good conversation. Learning he has an adopted daughter. I did not see his face. Only his full blacken face mask.
Monsieur Carriere I met in the Library. I had fallen asleep upon a lounge. Inadvertently waking me but we struck up a good conversation. I learned much about Monsieur Carriere. I did see Monsieur Carriere's face though. A frightful sight indeed but he has a good heart and such a sweet nature.
I pray I shall meet them again soon. They both were quite delightful.

Exhaustion has nearly overtaken me. I shall indeed rest well tonight. I hope.

[ladybarbossa]

Night has fallen and I seek to rest upon my comforting bed. But before I do, as always and promised a little addition to my Memoirs.

Having assisted the golden hair youthful Christine in cleaning the chapel upon which she discovered and so desires to hold a Vigil for Easter. That was less than delightful. Granted, the Chapel was put back to right. Alas, however, I continue to be at odds with Raoul Christophe. I doubt that we shall ever see eye to eye. How how he is so much like my Husband. He is, in a word, my Husband's younger self. The man I knew back when I was at the Opera in Paris.

Easter Vigil was rather... not so silent. I did not stay long. I nearly felt ill just being in the Chapel. Granted my Husband was there whom sat beside me to offer some comfort. it's those rare moments I delight in and recall why I love him so.

A reminder to self though - I must set aside a night to at least have my Husband and I enjoy an evening Dinner with Monsieur Carriere.

[ladybarbossa]

My God! My God! Oh, God, what have I done!
I know not how to begin. But surely the young golden hair Christine thinks me mad if not foolish and unfaithful! I confessed in a word, to her, of my affections for Monsieur Lenoir! Granted, he was of my past. But since coming to the Manor, he has been rather... charming. Moreso than I can recall. He's been rather forward and ever so eager to shower me with affection of which I cannot put an end to. Why? Simply put... I crave it! I admit whole-heartedly that I crave his attention and affection.
My Husband did approach myself and the younger Christine while in one of the Sitting Rooms, the one I have been working some needlework within. He, unfortunately, was drunk and thus 'blew up', for a lack of a better word, before the eyes of the younger woman who apparently is soon to be Wed. She was most curious about Married life. Alas, we did not present a proper picture for her. No doubt has terrified the poor thing. I dare say, I do not blame her. Married life is NOT what I had thought it to be either.
Oh, Lord forgive me!

And yet, following this disaster, whom but I see on my way to retire for the night?... Monsieur Lenoir! I was truly terrified that my Husband would see us in the same hallway. I knew not what to do. Next I knew I had drawn him into my suite, perhaps to hide him in hopes that Raoul would not see him near me. I feared for Erik's life, truth be told.
Terrible decision. Perhaps. For next as usual, he showered me with affection! I've grown addicted to his kiss. Horrible of me to say, indeed. For I am a Married woman! A Vicomtesse nevertheless! There are standards to uphold and abide by! And yet... it is Erik that can pervert me far from those standards. He has a way to reach me that no other can. Why? Why does this happen? Why must it be?

I shall have to venture to the Chapel and make my peace, beg for forgiveness before God before I start my daily routine of the garden and the kitchen.

[ladybarbossa]

There is still no sign of my son, Gustave. I shan't say I have give up hope of seeing him again. I always hope. I pray constantly that he is safe and well. I pray he comes to me soon. I miss my little miracle so.

The day has been warm but nevertheless had to attend to the garden. Little by little it's looking better. Some shrubs and plants had to be removed, others could be saved. Little by little. The roses are doing well. Though there is much work to be done with them. They will take the longest, along with the shrubs, to bring back to life. And they shall indeed receive the best of care. I adore roses.

As usually, daily chores I have placed upon myself in the Kitchen as well. It's a rather large room with so much at one's disposal! I shan't complain. I can do so much here. Though it's rather strange that everything is already provided. I do wonder if someone obtains the goods. Very curious.

An interesting conversation with Christine Nicole though. Poor thing is so torn. She fancies her own Angel and yet, is unsure of whom she favors. It is indeed a plight I know well. How else can one deal with such a situation? Can one deny a man whom has helped one achieve a better lot in life? Success? Goals? I can only pray she finds some form of solace. And whether she finds favor with her own Angel, that has yet to be determined.

Otherwise a quiet night of which I shall enjoy some embroidery and early bedtime.

[ladybarbossa]

I am becoming quite distraught at still no sighting of Gustave. Nothing is worse than a mother losing her son! He is a part of me! I ache to hold my son in my arms and cradle my little miracle. Each day he is missing rips apart my heart and soul just a little more.

Oh, quite laughable! And yet disturbing! I had been attending to my daily duties as I passed by the Library... and the phone rang! Odd indeed! So confused as to who would even bother to call a run down estate. Imagine my surprise when the voice I heard was Raoul Christophe! And worse, he was in Jail! True, I was mightily surprised and disappointed to some extent. I did run to his rescue, ironically. Though I was bewildered how to release him from the jail. Apparent a bond needed to be paid. Quite a pricey bond indeed after they - the police - had informed me of charges. I was quite taken aback of what apparently had occurred. Raoul had been walking to the village with Erik! Erik Lenoir of all people! Are they both mad? They had been arrested for their public display of poor behavior and lack of restraint! Imagine my severe disappointment in the both of them! I sit here writing this and can only sigh and shake my head. They shall kill one another someday, I swear!
Luckily, I had found next to the phone a vault that held some gold. With that, I took it to the village to a bank to exchange for proper currency. I did post the bail for Raoul Christophe and Erik Lenoir. I nearly decided not to for I was greatly upset with them for getting into that situation. Pulling me into it nevertheless. I arrive and the both behave like school boys! Further inflicting harm upon one another to the point they had to be restrained, Raoul having been put into another cell while Erik was barely conscious and rather dazed from Raoul's assault. Raoul was rather battered, but Lenoir was FAR worse for wear. Poor Erik. He had to be taken to the local Hospital much to his constant dislike. He begged not to but due to his appearance and state, I convinced him to go. Much to Raoul Christophe's dismay. Alas, I doubt that Raoul will truly understand nor will he ever restrain himself from doing damage to Erik. Does not matter any more of Erik's past. For it's the past. But Raoul is bound and determined to bring him to justice as he calls it and to ensure that Erik is punished for his past crimes. Oh, Raoul. Why?
Indeed I did go with Erik Lenoir to the Hospital. He wouldn't go unless I would go with him. It was a difficulty no doubt since he believed he would be treated like an animal and tested upon, worse, made into a spectacle for display. Oh, poor Erik! I assured him over and over that it would not happen. I wouldn't allow it. Despite his fears, those at the Hospital, including the Doctor, seemed genuinely concerned about his well-being! They attended to him as gently as I could have. The Doctor pulled me aside to inform me of a way to ... correct... or... remove... his deformity! Truly?!? Is it possible to play God and repair what hellish appearance that God graced one with? Stunned, yes! Though it's something to be brushed aside as I do not know if Erik would even consider it. He fears so much. Poor Erik. Not that I am all for this miracle work, I accept Erik for who he is and what he looks like. I have forgiven him for all the past woes and crimes. Oh, if only Raoul could do the same. It's such a freeing feeling to forgive.
Now, why? Why did I agree to sneak him out of the Hospital? He begged of me to! I tried to resist but he would not relent. And so, I relented and agreed. He is often stubborn when his mind is quite set! Oddly a darling boy and his mother were rather delighted to see us! As though they knew us personally! Bewildered I followed along as Erik stated and delighted the boy to bring a smile to his poor face. Poor boy having been injured. I could only think of my missing son how it only made every poor fiber of my being ache for my little miracle.
Finally having left the Hospital, despite my not wishing he leave for he needed his wounded to be attended to, even further rest from broken ribs. Medicine they even would offer to help him recover. But Erik would have none of it! Oh, stubborn, stubborn man! I know not who is worse! Raoul or Erik! Must all men be so stubborn?!? He was so insistent upon returning to the Manor and caring for his wounds all by his lonesome. I cannot convince him otherwise.
On our way back to the Manor, our attention was diverted to a performance being put on at a local school it would appear. A rather large school! My goodness! But it was the production that capture our attention most of all. Left me bewildered. The title? The Phantom of the Opera! Our hesitant curiosity led us inside as well as his need to rest due to his side not able to bear the pain much. So in we went only to be bombarded by eccentric youths fawning over us and demanding autographs and photos! Little hand held cameras! I'd not see a camera so small before! Amazing! Though it was obvious that Erik did not take to it all so well. If he wasn't so pained and half himself, he'd be rabid with distain. I sat with him in the balcony to watch the performance. Much to our surprise and horror it was a display in an artful way, OUR LIVES from the Opera House. I could tell it troubled Erik so. I admit, it did trouble me as well. It was as though watching your past or Judgement Day! Terrifying and delight, all at once. And yet to see those moments once again knowing that I experienced them... It was all together different! It all only twisted my poor soul and heart. I couldn't even imagine what Erik was thinking or feeling either. But I know it did rub me raw to the core!
Following the production, which was mostly sung almost like an Opera but not fully, Erik escorted me, albeit in a twinge of pain, from the place. Hiding in the shadows as all departed until there was no soul left to follow us. At first I did not understand his reasoning. Now I do. It would not have been a good thing to have been followed by excitable girls! Poor Erik did not need that at the moment.
Walking home at night and having gotten lost at that point Erik needed to rest again. Oh, he concerns me greatly! Why must he be so stubborn! He should have remained at the Hospital to rest and recover! After a moment's rest of which we both lost track of time.
Eventually we did return to the Manor before dawn of which I assisted Erik to his Lair under the Manor since he was further worse for wear. Granted I should not be there in his quarters, but I could not leave him in such a state. I tried to do what I could for him, despite his stubborn need to care for himself. Though I did have to make a little concoction for to ease his pain. I'm not one well versed in the knowledge of apothecary. Granted what I conjured helped somewhat it was not without side effects as it left him nearly helpless and limp. Looking like a rag doll! Under normal circumstances this would have been mighty amusing but I was by no means amused. Well, perhaps I was a little. I was concerned though. Naturally.
From then he insisted upon returning above to contact the Hospital to obtain the drugs upon which he stated made him feel much better and removed his pain. Despite my opinions, we still went above to the Library to utilize the phone to contact the Hospital. Though it did not get that far. Instead the phone rang, I answered as it was for Erik. The voice of a woman! Granted I admit, I was slightly jealous! But the appearance upon Erik's face only troubled me further. He dragged me from the Library begging me never to return there for there was an evil in that room. How could I not return to the Library? It was a must to return there! What knowledge that it holds within those walls and I am forbidden from it? I think not! But poor Erik! He was so very frightened! I'd not seen him in such a state before. Despite it all I assured him nevertheless to put his fears to rest. Oh, poor Erik. He then escorted me towards my suite but stopped short in fear of my Husband. Naturally, I do not blame him. Instead, he escorted me to a balcony with a stunning view! Oh, how romantic and chivalrous he can be. He no more monster or Phantom or Angel any more. But a man. Dear sweet, charming Erik. And despite how furious my Husband would be, yes, naturally Erik did bestow a kiss upon my lips. I admit, I did not stop him from doing so. Why? As I mentioned before... I crave his affection! If it makes me wicked, then so be it! I cannot deny my affections for him despite what others may believe. It IS MY Life! I shall do with it as I please! I shall Love whom I wish. I am not commanded by those to be as they wish of me. I no long exist in that realm of which I must abide by the strict protocols of Royalty. Do I not have some form of freedom? How can I deny a man who has been so near and dear to me whilst I have been here at the Manor?! He's been far more comforting than my own Husband. And at current with my son missing, I am in need of more comfort for I dare say if it wasn't for Erik's attention, I'd have faltered by the week's end after arriving here!

Make note of this. I do not regret anything I have done, either before the Manor or here while at the Manor. I shall regret nothing!

[ladybarbossa]

I have been trying to make my peace and finding it so difficult to do so. I... do not know how to explain anything any more. All I know is... nothing is as it ever was. Nothing will ever be the same. That is for certain.
I shan't restrain myself any more from Lenoir. I have decided that my heart may be to one man, but the rest of me belongs to another. It's my soul, my spirit that needs that other half to make me feel whole again.

I had the strangest, if not the most frightening, encounter in my life today! I had met the former Master of the Manor! Former I say as he is dead. A Ghost! He gave me such a start and fright that I fainted straight away. He was quite a handsome man but his disposition was very wry and bitter. Truly the sort of being one does not wish to cross nor anger. He asked a few things of me - stay away from the locked rooms for those doors are locked for a reason. No Villagers! He does not take too kindly to outsiders even though we here at the Manor are outsiders and he's told me he's none too pleased but alas, hasn't a choice! Of which this bewildered me. Also, he is allowing restoration of the Manor and especially the Gardens. He was rather keen and rough upon me about the roses. I wonder why? I shall indeed take the greatest care of the roses as they are my favorite flower.
Though he frightens me, I also feel a sort of calm. Perhaps he has a way of calming people in his state. I know not what, but there is something about Charles - that is his name, Charles Dalimar - that you cannot help but to be drawn to him. Dangerous? Perhaps.
I shall do what he asks of me and shall tell the others to abide by his rules. I would hate to cross and anger him. I'd rather not feel his wrath.