Wicked Game (Lenoir)

[anastasia]

If there was one holiday she did not like at all, it was Valentine's Day! Every year it was the same, or worse. Always alone for a day meant for Lovers. ALWAYS alone! Always! Such a time of year made her feel worse than depressed! There was nothing that could bring her out of her melancholy because it was always the same. Because of it, she never gave a valentine to anyone, not even family, not even friends. She loathed the day. It placed her into such a viciously horrid mood that most of the day she would occupy her time with things that kept her away from people, if not reclusive in her room or home.

Here at the Manor, it was no different. She was in that ever present melancholy for the days up to and especially on Valentine's Day. The thought barely crossed her mind if anyone would want a little Valentine from her. But what would she do? What could she give? She hated this 'holiday'. Ha! Holiday! It was nothing more than a joke! No. There would be nothing from her that showed hollow affection. Nothing from her on this time of year that was always the opposite for her. She never was loved but jeered and so, she locked herself away waiting for this awful day to pass.

So besides locking herself away in her suite listening to songs that were not so loving but of heartache at least, maybe a little lusty with out any hint of love in them. Ahhh.. yes. Lust. It was obvious to her she had no heart. Why should she? After all, everything she's been through caused it to be broken and shattered. To hide it and bury it. No, she had no heart.
She did get out to the stables to work a couple of the horses. Especially the Friesian gelding besides her own two horses, which she had taken a liking to. A smart horse it was!
After that, she was in her room for a while to either continue listening to songs or watch movies that befit her mood.

Soon enough in the evening she emerged from her room and went downstairs to get some chocolate chip cookie dough and a big bottle of Tequila Rose liquer then went to one of the Sitting Rooms.
In the sitting room, it was a little cold and dark, only lighting one lamp. Leaving the fireplace be, she sat down and curled up so to speak on the sofa, buried herself in the chocolate chip cookie dough. Enjoying the silence and also wallowing in her woes. She cried as she ate the uncooked treat. Who would care if she got sick? No one would. She was one lonely woman. Pretty. Gorgeous. Stunning. Super model material. And yet... she was always lonely.
She sighed, in the room dimly lit by one lamp, slowly devouring the dough with the bottle of Tequila Rose, sniffing here and there as she wallowed alone in her pain.

[Erik Lenoir]

Erik had come up from his lair. He was feeling quite happy, a bit more common occurrence than in the early days of the mansion, and before. He had had a wonderful birthday this year, his first party really and it made him smile to think about it. He had not spoken with anyone today at all, and he just felt like walking through the mansion. He didn't mind spending some time alone and he enjoyed sitting in the dark in one of the sitting rooms. Dark and quiet, it sounded good. And a bit of warmth from the fireplace, that sounded excellent.

He wandered about the place for a while and then decided to enter one of the sitting rooms. It was so dark, in fact, only lit by one dim light that he barely realized that there was anyone else in the room. But there, huddled on a sofa, sat Ana Goodwin-Hart, eating something.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you. I'm sorry to disturb you. " Then he looked at her. She seemed melancholic. Just how he often felt. But not tonight. He hesitated...He didn't want to intrude on whatever it was that was bothering her. "I shall leave you alone, dear. Good night." He turned and started to walk back out the door.

[anastasia]

It would be a lie that she did not hear or didn't notice someone enter the room. She did notice and hear them. Glancing sideways for but a brief second, holding the little container of cookie dough as the other hand quickly wiped away the tears that had been falling and she sniffed, trying not to let him see her sad mood as she cradled the dough container and glanced away from him or at least tried to hide in some manner or fashion her tear stained face and glassy eyes.

She remained huddled on the sofa not looking at him as she wiped another tear from her face with the palm of her hand. Usually she wanted to be left alone on these days and not talk to anyone. Only wanting to get by them on her own. But since she came to the Manor, she established quite a connection to Lenoir.
She sniffed again... then again. "Lenoir?" Her voice was so utterly pained that it was cracking with deep emotion of sadness. She called out to him wondering what he'd do next. Why in the hell did she call out to him? She wasn't sure if she wanted anyone to know she was so unhappy, so horrible, so imperfect.

[Erik Lenoir]

Ready to leave, his hand was on the door. Ana called out to him... Lenoir...she said. He hesitated, and turned around. :"What is it, Ana? I don't wish to bother you. I was simply walking about the mansion, looking for a quiet place.... a warm place. " He glanced at the fireplace. There was, of course, no fire, or the room would have been a bit brighter. "Aren't you cold, dear? Let me make you a cosy fire."

Erik went to the fireplace and opened the damper for an updraft and started a fire which soon spread to the logs and started making the room warmer. "Is that better?" he asked. He hesitated again. "Is there anything I can bring for you? I don't like to see someone cold ....A blanket perhaps? So you can curl up more comfortably on the couch? Perhaps I could pull the ottoman closer for your legs...."

"And I'm sorry. I can see that you wish to be alone, and here I am talking as if I actually had something to say. .."

[anastasia]

Why the hell did she call out to him? Closing her eyes as another tear streamed down and she fought so hard not to let him see how much she was in pain. Not the sort of physical pain like a wound or broken bones, but the sort that was deeper into a person's very being.
Doing her very best to hide her tears, not talk to him even though he was talking to her. He meandered about to warm the room for her. Concerned about her well being and each act he did, every word only made it worse. She called out to him and she wasn't sure why.
No. That was a lie. She knew why. She desperately needed a friend to talk to. A shoulder to cry on. Especially now. Especially with all those past memories rising up to haunt and hurt her. And with so many people just enjoying the one the Loved. But...not her. Never her.

She fought so hard not to cry, but it was hard and she was failing as her lips trembled and quivered. Blinking her eyes a lot did not help at all. All she could see through her tear filled eyes was the blurred image of Lenoir doing everything to make her feel more comfortable.
Turning her head away from him as she sniffled, wiped away tears and propped her head upon the palm of her hand as her arm was propped upon the armrest of the couch. Sniffled again and wished she had some kleenexes. That was one thing she didn't even think about grabbing. Stupid her.

Now she couldn't help it. The tears finally flowed as she tried so hard to stifle her whimpers. Keeping her head away from him until she couldn't help but to snap at him-
"Why? Why can't all men be like you?" Her voice so heavy with hurt, her lips quivered and pouted. Biting them as she wanted to scream almost. But only a heavy quick exhale emanated from her as she barely glanced at the Phantom.
Shaking her head, looking down, crying and she tried not to sound like she was. Setting down the container of chocolate chip cookie dough beside the sofa on the end table, then picked up the bottle of Tequila Rose. In her mind, she found it so true as she remembered lines from an country song from years ago-

But don't ask her on a straight tequila night.
She'll start thinkin' about him, then she's ready to fight.
Blames her broken heart on every man in sight,
On a straight tequila night.

That's pretty much how she was feeling. Every man she's known and been with has utterly failed her. Doing more than breaking her heart. They utterly shattered it to the point... she swears she does not have one at all!

Now she was feeling so stupid. Like a cry baby and a loser, feeling so utterly horrible around him. So she tried to hide herself from him as she cried. Huddling herself together almost in a fetal position and tucked her head down to her knees and cried still holding the bottle of Tequila Rose.

[Erik Lenoir]

Ana was quiet, but seemed to be in the depths of melancholia. He knew the feeling. He had been there most of his life. Depression so deep, he had almost offed himself, several times. That had of course improved, but still, it took but a disparaging word to make him go from deliriously happy to desperately sad or worse in the time it took to say the words...So he understood.

"Did you wish me to stay a moment, Ana?" Then she asked why couldn't all men be like he was. He laughed softly , but incredulously. "Good lord, why would you want anyone else to be like me?" He sat down next to her and said, "Surely you don't mean that?" He was about to take her hands when he realized that what she was eating was some sort of sticky ice cream treat. He didn't want to touch her because she was probably sticky "What is in there?" he asked, gesturing toward the offending dish.

And he had realized she was crying from the first words she had spoken. He pulled out his large, white, clean handkerchief and handed it to her. "Here dear, wipe your eyes. Now what's this all about? Why are you crying? And why are you in here all alone? Come now, out with it.."

[anastasia]

Still huddled upon the couch with her head upon her knees still even while he spoke to her, even offering the handkerchief. Why was she here all alone? Lifting her head with a huff, her face slightly twisted in sarcasm while crying. "Why?!?" then looked at him as her tears streamed down her face while she held her legs. "Because... " she broke down more and continued to cry. "No one loves me." Tucking her head back to her knees and stayed that way for a couple minutes.

Lifting her head and waved around her hand, "I mean," As she sniffled and felt rather stuffy because she had been crying hard. "You actually give a damn." She paused. "You make a woman feel worth while." Gazing ahead as she pondered and sniffed again. "You don't take advantage of them. You don't lead them on. You don't... " she trailed off as she thought. "You don't break up with them right before Valentine's Day. You don't sleep with the best friend's girlfriend. You don't just use me for sex. You don't think I'm an accessory to sport around to your other guy friends." She sighed and sniffled and then cried some more as she rested her chin upon her knees. "Why? Why do men think women are just trophies? Another sex toy or something to claim and put a notch in their bed posts. They could care less about how we feel! Don't even want to make an effort to have a life with a woman. Not even love her." And tucked her face into her knees again and cried some more.
"I hate Valentine's day," it would have been a yell if it wasn't muffled by her face in her knees.

Glancing at the container. "Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. The unbaked dough before you bake the cookie," sounding both subtle and sad as she breathed in with a shudder. "Want some?" And sniffed while still holding the bottle of Tequila Rose then decided to take a swig from the bottle.
Now she was darn near kicking herself for at least hinting to Lenoir of her past life. She was no one perfect even though she looked perfect. She felt so bad now that she was anything but strong before his eyes. What sort of friend falters like this? But if anything, she was glad he was there. She doubted she would have said anything to anyone else about her deep pain and problems.

[Erik Lenoir]

Erik was a bit puzzled at Ana's answers to his query. "No one loves you?" he repeated. Then she went into a lit of the wrongs various men had done to her. Having not experienced anyone doing those type of thing to him, made him feel almost as if he had been lucky. True, it wasn't until this year that he had finally come into his own as far as making friends, and possibly having a love interest, but still it had happened for him. Ana seemed so alone, maybe she even felt friendless, which Erik had felt for so many years. He knew what that was like. But the rest of it...he was somewhat shocked that me would take such liberties with a lady. He could feel his face become slightly hot. He was probably blushing. Of course this new century was still showing off it's surprises to Erik. And he liked it less and less.

He didn't know what to say to her. Being treated in such a manner was very demeaning. "Is there something I can do for you?" he asked softly. "Valentine's Day," he repeated slowly. "I had never heard of it until last year. According to what everyone said should happen then, I had quite a terrible one last year too. But you're among friends. "

She explained what she was eating and he couldn't help but show his distaste. "How can you eat that? Uncooked cooky dough? Good lord, that is atrocious. How long have you been doing that? I suppose the tequila takes away some of the taste....and...you shouldn't be drinking so much of that" Then he paused and laughed softly. "Now I'm sounding like your father ..."

[anastasia]

Shooting him a side glance that she was by no means amused but was rather amusing because it was so serious. That little 'well, duh!' scowl at the mention of sounding like her father. "No. He wouldn't give a damn actually," as she propped her chin upon her knees while remaining in that huddled position. "Billie's the only one who really gave a damn about me." Then closed her eyes as a tear streamed down her face. A slight sound almost like a sigh and pursed her lips inwardly with barely a shake of her head, holding her legs tightly to her a moment. "I know I shouldn't eat it, I shouldn't drink it, but I need something right now to at least help me get by," glancing at Lenoir as her head pivoted by the chin upon the knees. "I know, I sound like a Country Music Song. Poor woe is me. Huh?" and she huffed before turned her head forward again from it's pivoted position.

After a moment of silence as she stared forward. "Friends and family is one thing, Erik," she stated as she sniffed a couple times and wiped away tears from the right side of her face with the palm of her hand. No, she did not accept the handkerchief from Lenoir because she just didn't feel like soiling his good finery on herself. Best that he save it for his own Beloved.
She sighed after taking a deep breath, switching the Tequila Rose from left to right then took a big swig before she set it down next to the container of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Sniffed again as she looked away from him, "Having someone Love you for the rest of your life. Want to spend a life time with. To be your spouse, have kids, live together no matter what, thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do you both part...." she paused as her hand waved as though she flung something to the floor, "THAT is the thing. That is ALWAYS my problem." Her face pinched and her lips quivered as the tears welled, "Not one guy could EVER do that. One... almost... did. My Ex-Fianceé and yet," Paused as it obviously hurt her terribly and her head rolled a little from side to side, then combed her fingers through her long chestnut hair and moved it off to the side to hide her face from him. "Not even could do that. Despite I was willing to look past his faults and sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend. He broke off the Wedding a couple days before Valentine's Day." She sobbed and sniffled a couple times. "They all broke it off before or the day of Valentine's Day." And buried her face in her knees again to cry. She muffled something that sounded like 'I hate men."

Lifting her head up and her hand flung out to turn palm up, "All I wanted was to have a loving husband with kids, a truck, a nice home, kids, a good dog and be happy." Sobbing as she said it with tears rolling down her face. "I made an effort to try and get what I wanted after I waited for it to happen and it still did not happen!" Again, made a motion with her hand as though she flung something. "Am I really that horrible of a person? Am I not worth it? Am I that ugly to not even consider being Wife material?" Gazing off at nothing as a couple tears fell and she sniffed deeply.

"I admit, I thought maybe here something special might come of it. Living here. I thought I was suppose to be here for a reason," her face twisting with angst as the tears continued to fall. "I mean," as she hesitated, her mouth open and lips moved but found it hard to let the words escape. Then finally-
"I thought... I may have had.. a .. chance... with Lavalais." And tucked her head away from him. "I've never felt anything like that than when I'm near him." She said so softly as though she was afraid to say anything. "Maybe I'm deluding myself. Cause it's somewhat... like... what I feel... when I'm around you... or Carriere. Maybe a little more." She didn't want to hint at how Lenoir made her feel when they first met. She pretty much refused to feel anything deeper for Lenoir since he had someone already. She was not about to be that 'other woman' just as it had happened to her. That memory of having her man stolen from her made her feel horrible as she turned her face away, laying her head upon her knees and sobbed. Muttering something as she cried, keeping herself wrapped up in her little vertical fetal position.

[Erik Lenoir]

Erik felt bad for Ana when she said her father wouldn't have cared anything about her. She was crying openly now and a tear streamed down her face. She said she sounded like a country music song, at which he looked puzzled. So many things, even expressions, that he didn't know about this new century. "What, pray tell, is a country music song?" he asked.

She mentioned Billie. "Yes, he does seem to be a good man. Why don't you confide in him? I am sure he would understand you much better than I, considering he is from your own time and you have known him much longer. In fact our first meeting, you and I, was one of the strangest encounters I have ever had. And even though we have become acquaintances, I could not even pretend to say that I understand you"

She was in a very unlady-like position, which in any one of the other ladies from the mansion, he would have been rather aghast. However, he had leaned to expect the unusual from Ana. His offer of his handkerchief was rejected and he felt slightly hurt, for he had only been trying to help.

"Why do you think that you could not attract a fellow who could love you for the rest of your life? You are an attractive lady. Perhaps this place is not the best place for you...the men here are from another century and some might not be attracted to a modern woman unless they came to know you, at least as much as I have." He sighed. "It's hard for me know understand what lies in a woman's mind, I expect it is that way for at least some of the other men. I could not possibly have predicted what happened with Teressa after she watched our little sojourn in the stable. Certainly I meant nothing by it, but she saw it quite differently. I shall never understand that. I hope I shall not have future problems with misunderstandings with Teressa."

He looked over at her and touched her arm gently. "I have always wished to marry and have children too. I don't know if it will ever happen. I'm not like other people and my greatest fear, or at least one of them would be to have deformed children. There is the fact that Teressa is deformed or at least I suspect she is, considering I have never seen her face completely without the mask. It would be twice as likely that our children would be deformed. But we were speaking of you, not me." Then he took her hand, vaguely hoping it was not sticky. "Your best option would be to flee the mansion then, if you are able to come and go as you please, you must find a better place than this. We are, most of us, still stuck in the last part of the 19th century. And I, for one, do not particularly wish to live in the future. The past is too familiar and too comfortable. Granted, I do like some things about the future, some of the inventions are wonderful... and some are frightening."

"Why would you think you are a horrible person? That word does not even come to mind when I think of you. You are very beautiful and quite pleasant to be with. The right kind of man, someone from your century, would be quite delighted with you I would think. " He laughed softly. "I am not exactly an authority on this..."

[anastasia]

She'd forgotten he was not of this modern world (which he will state over and over shortly) so she had to explain what she meant by 'country music song'. "Meaning I sound rather sad and pathetic. That everything goes wrong and nothing good will ever come of my life." She simply told him. Doubting that he'd even want to listen to a few songs like from Hank Williams, or Johnny Cash, or Reba McIntyre.
She sighed and ran her fingers through her chestnut hair while tilting her head to the right side and closed her eyes, "One... Billie is not here. Two.. he's heard me plenty of times already." Which got her to realizing that perhaps Billie never wanted to listen to her pity parties any more. That made her feel a little more horrible that she was just failing to measure up as a decent person. But the other fact was Lenoir seemed to distance himself from even attempting to understand her. She didn't know how to take this. Of course their meeting was beyond awkward! She definitely thought the same! Never in her life nor a million years did she even contemplate once the Phantom was real. Well, she dreamed and wished he was real back in her youth. What an absolute shock it was to her though when she met him. This was the beginning of her shock. Already feeling bad, no doubt he didn't mean it to be rude and unkind and heartless but that's how it started to come off to her. She was feeling a little worse. Even she couldn't capture the attention of a Phantom! Any of them! This was utterly pathetic! So her face pinched with disgust with herself. Feeling like she failed.

Still not taking notice of his offer of the handkerchief because she was so self-absorbed in her little pity party.
About to reply snidely with a reason why she couldn't attract a fellow when he continued on about this place. Turning her head to look at him, those glassy eyes locked upon him in absolute shock with furrowed brows. With nearly every word, every sentence she winced! Several times over and over she blinked while shocked with what he told her.
Yes, she remembered that kiss in the stables and it froze her very being just as it had in his lair. Those thought drifted away as quickly as they came as he continued to speak, causing continuous flinching. Her lips parted with barely any breathing heard or seen but she was breathing quite erratically and silently.

Looking down away from him as she felt his hand upon her arm and mentioned his own desire for children. He sounded both hopeful yet skeptical. And there was the point! At least he had someone to even possibly accomplish that goal of a spouse and children! She... did not! Granted she had thought when after meeting him, she was highly attracted to him but was so utterly afraid especially the incident and continued situation that resulted from that little accidental moment in the stables.

Snapping her head to look directly at him with still that shock, as though it was perhaps forbidden for him to even touch her. But remained silent as he continued to speak. Finally she winced horribly and her eyes started to tear. Wasn't he the one who said that if you had a room here, you could never leave? That scared her so much when she learned that she had a room here. Thinking she was imprisoned here but once she started getting to know the others here, it wasn't a prison at all. More like a gilded cage that she was willing to reside in.
She came to England with Billie in hopes for something better. Every day was a hope for something better. When the day ended and nothing extraordinary came of it, she hoped the next day would be better than the previous day.
Was he trying to get rid of her? Push her away? These varied excuses were just that to her. Was time even more of an inhibitor of Love than mere physical appearance?!? She was willing to get past all that, even started with Lenoir as she had come to accept him and valued him as someone she held so near and dear to her. He was such a good friend. But now... he didn't seem like one. Maybe he was seeing something she wasn't able to see. Or wasn't willing to see.
She still flinched with various words that seemed to sting at her soul like a constant slap in the face.

His laughter sort of perked her up just slightly as she blinked but she still had that stunned look upon her face while watching him. There was nothing amusing at all in what he said. Oh, poor Lenoir! He failed to cheer her up. And yet, he accomplished in making her realize something. More like some things! She was in her mid-30s and already her life was centered around something that was only a vague dream. Never keeping her eyes upon what she really had to do. What she should accomplish. She had to wise up. Be a better person. No more hopes and dreams for something that was too lofty for the moment. She had to focus upon where she was and what she was doing right now. Matters of the heart.... had to take the back burner. Or be dashed away all together!
Heart? What heart? As far as she could feel... she hadn't a heart. It had been dashed away once again and to protect it, she fell into some form of mode. A survival mode. Yes, perhaps Lenoir had hurt her. It was a realization that he, nor Lavalais, or anyone else here, perhaps not even Philippe, would even find her worth while. Beauty was a curse just as the Phantom's believed their ugliness was a curse.
She wanted to say something to Lenoir, to reply to what he said but those words fizzled out before they could even be spoken. Instead she felt like her soul had left her body, her heart was burned and gone, her mind was as numb as her body. Gazing forward in a daze, not looking at Lenoir. Almost looking like she was in a trance, but her eyes moved from time to time to prove she was deep in thought. Those tears no longer flowed however her eyes were still quite glassy. She was at a crossroads in her life no doubt.

Moving her legs as the feet shifted from the sofa to the floor and she sat there like a statue. Still deep in thought. Finally-
"You're right," she said softly, quite strained and almost hoarse but sweetly. Obvious that she came to a revelation with his help. She had to forget about this place. Forget about them all. Wipe from her mind all that happened since she got here. Swallowing hard and already things felt so distant like a fading dream. There was no more emotion, no more memories. She had... changed.

[Erik Lenoir]

Erik didn't know what was gong on in Ana's mind. He had a hard time understanding her ever changing emotions. And the self-pity, he certainly had that for himself, many a time. But who deserved to pity himself more than a Phantom? And now that some people here had begun to overlook that, he was seeing himself in a different light. But she, why would she think herself less than anyone else? Granted they both must have had a childhood of pain. That took many years from which to recover. He doubted he would ever recover from his own childhood. But what could he say to Ana?

"Are you bound and determined to feel sorry for yourself? I lived that way every day until I came here and found that I could live among these people more in the open than I had done before. Most of them accept me. As for marrying and having children, yes, I have always wished for that. But I don't think it will happen. I love Teressa, but she is so volatile and I don't know if she will allow me to do as I wish. I have been my own man for years now, since I left home, and I do not intend to have anyone tell me what to do. And as for children, I believe adoption would be the best option for me. I already have adopted, not formally of course, Roselin. She is a lovely daughter and I am perfectly happy being her adopted father"

"Ana, I don't have any more advice for you. Would that I could snap my fingers and your circumstances would change. But you either must change them yourself or become happy with them. You are the one who determines your life and how you live within your own circumstances. You are the one who determines if you will he happy or miserable."

He laughed "Who am I to talk and give advice? I know nothing of your world. I have shut myself up in my opera house for so long ... and I concentrated on myself for so long that I forgot another world was out there. But it was always a hostile one for me. Here I can find at least a modicum of happiness....a modicum of acceptance." He touched her arm gently. "I'm not discounting your feelings. But perhaps you need to put your unhappiness aside and start to live. It's too late for me. All that's left is this mansion. And it's the only place where I can be happy.. I feel sheltered here. But you have a whole world outside...it awaits you. If you were ugly and deformed and spat upon by the world, like I am, I would tell you to hide yourself among the rest of us, misfits all of us. But you have a chance in your world." He paused and rubbed her arm a bit, then put his arms around her in an embrace. "I'm not telling you to leave. I would miss you terribly. But you must do what is best for you, not think of the rest of us. We shall survive. I've had sorrow and heartbreak before. And I've survived. You can survive also. And don't forget, you are one of my special friends. My friendship for you is a deep and abiding love. And I don't expect it ever to end."

[anastasia]

A haunting blank countenance washed over her as her thoughts melted away to nearly nothing. Clear of mind as every bit of pain and joy was silenced. He was right. The truth shot straight into the core of her soul and she took it to heart. Coming to England was a mistake. She was pondering returning to America, to Chicago, to home and continue with some form of a life. She hadn't lived here, she was just... here. What's the point of living if one did not feel live? Currently she felt hindered and nearly dead.

Inhaling deeply then released it softly. Her fingers and palm came up to wipe away the tears as though they were never shed. But her eyes stung reminding her she had been crying. That she had opened herself up to someone whom by all reasons in reality should NOT exist! Someone whom she now trusted even with her life.
Bound and determined to feel sorry for herself? No, she was bound and determined to get what she wanted out of life! What she wanted was not happening. Becoming frustrated because nothing was going according to plan. With his words made her realize that nothing ever goes according to plan. He should know that of all people.

"Love is not enough. Is it?" Her voice almost deep, soft, yet haunting. Then her eyes shifted to look at him, glassy because she had been crying. She completely understood about someone not letting them be who they are.
Slowly those brown hues drifted to down to the side in reflection. At the mention of 'do not intend to have anyone tell' him 'what to do', a smirk barely flashed upon her face with a soft nasal huff. No one should have to be told what to do if they were an adult.
Once again, looking up at him as he mentioned adopting. Blinking a couple times as she recalled the sprightly girl. She was adorable and definitely adored Lenoir. The images that flashed into her mind of Roselin at Christmas and then his Birthday party caused a barely visible smile to spread slowly upon her lips. "You'd make a great father," her eyes went distant to gaze beyond him, glancing off towards the window to gaze blankly outside.

Once again, he was utterly right. How was it that he could see right into her? It was like she was an open book for him! At one point it would have frightened the hell out of her, like months ago when they met. But now, she took his every words as though it were gospel. There was wisdom behind each spoken word. His gentle tone only re-enforced his insight. What he said, would have been more than what Billie would have said but along the same lines.
He was right. No more hopes. No more plans. No more expectations. Only to live and let live or die.

Her eyes shifted to look back at him, locking upon his mismatched eyes with glassy emptiness. "Because no matter where you are, past or present or future, the situations are the same. You don't have to understand this world to understand me," she told him with indifference and a wry tone.

With the sudden blink of her eyes, that haunting blank look changed to on of surprise and sadness. Too late for him? How could it be too late for him?!? He was not all that much older than she! His touch did nothing but comfort her to say the least.
No she was not deformed but she was spat upon by the world or so it seemed. One didn't have to be ugly to be shunned by society. "My world is your world, too. It's not the world you once knew... " trailing off about to say it was better but that can at times be debatable. But it was true, the world today was not the one he knew so long ago. And if he would only open his eyes he could see, as she did, he would be welcomed with open arms!

She seemed indifferent still to his touch and caress, or even when he took her into his arms, but his words still touched her soul. Confusion flitted through her mind and face for but a moment but he still was right. Perhaps this place was not the best situation for her. Whatever he said seemed so distant upon her ears. Even the words of friendship which did touch her even though it would take time for it to sink in.

Slowly her arms came up to wrap around him, to hold onto him. Resting her head upon his shoulder and closed her eyes as a peaceful feeling settled within her heart, soul, mind and body all in unison. This was the best feeling in the world. Better to be loved by a friend than by someone who barely understood what love really meant. In all her wildest dreams never had she expected to form such a bond with someone like him.
Now, someone would have grabbed him and kissed him passionately or simply would have walked away and never been seen again. But not her. There was power and healing in that hug. Her choices would affect her in the next few days no doubt as well as the coming years. She was resigned to enjoy life and not longer worry about if she will ever find someone to share life with. For really, there were people she already shared life with. Some stayed, others left.

He was right.