Post by Christine Daaé on Apr 16, 2013 18:34:49 GMT -5
Christine had always been a bit sensitive about people who had no right to order her around telling her what to do, and about people assuming that she was letting herself be controlled by anyone. Was it really so difficult for people to accept that she was capable of making her own independent decision without the ‘help’ or influence of any other person? She hated it!
“Yes, it was my decision,” she said, perhaps a bit sharper than was really necessary for her to. “There is only one man in this world who has the right to demand an account of me, and that is my husband. Well, Monsieur Lenoir, I am not married yet, and even when I am, if, I am, I do not intend to simply stand there while my husband tells me how I can and cannot live my own life.”
She pressed her lips together firmly and then stopped for a moment, inhaling sharply through her nose, and then breathing out through her mouth in an audible sigh. What was getting into her? She was never so snappy unless she was dealing with a great amount of stress, which while it was true that she was, she really regretted it. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t have had to have been dealing with any of this. It was already beginning to take a toll on her health, both physically and mentally, and she was not certain as to how much longer she would be able to endure it…
She let go of Monsieur Lenoir’s arm and then buried her face in her hands for a moment, rubbing her temples lightly as if to try to ease a headache. “No… she finally continued, more softly and more gently now. “No, it was my decision… Too much ill has already come from my being on the stage… And besides, one cannot devote oneself fully to two loves. One will always end up neglected in the end… I do not wish for that to happen…”
She sighed again, peering out between her fingers for a moment, and then lowering her hands from her face. “….Perhaps that is not entirely true, but please, I… I do not wish to discuss it any further right now…” Truth be told, it was really that she was frightened of the prospect. If she sang yet again, what was to prevent the previous tragedies of the stage from repeating themselves. She would never live a life without music—it was physically impossible—but a life without a stage that she’d never wanted in the first place was perhaps safer for everyone’s sake.
She looked back to Monsieur Lenoir with her blue eyes which seemed to be almost eternally laden with fear. There was a time, when she was a little girl, that she had been quite fearless of the world, out searching for demon elves in the middle of the night, listening to old ghost stories in the dark… But life had nearly crushed that courage she’d once had. She was still a fighting spirit—she always would be—but it wasn’t herself she was afraid for… It was the safety of everyone around her… of those she loved and cared for.
She’d never truly realized how very mortal people were until her father had died. When her mother had gone, she had really been too young to recall any of it, and when the professor had died, he was old, and had already lived out his full life, but to have someone so close to you die so suddenly in the middle of their life… to see it ended so shortly… it really changed how one was able to look at anything ever again. And with the many deaths that had seemed so circled around her performance at the Garnier, she no longer knew how to take any of it.
“I’m sorry,” she said finally, blinking a few times and turning away from him again before taking his arm once again. She wished she could stop being so very afraid all of the time, but she was no longer sure how. She supposed that was part of why she enjoyed being around Raoul. He made her feel like she had when she’d led him about as children. He made her feel brave again…
As they continued walking, she kept her eyes downcast for the good majority of the time, attempting to calm herself again. This Manor had brought up such conflicting and unwanted emotions ever since she’d first arrived and she truly did dislike it. She wished that she could have been back home, in the comfort of Mamma Valérius’ little flat, safe and sound, and without all of the fears and worries that this place continually brought up.
It wasn’t long at all before yet another fear was brought into light with Monsieur Lenoir's question: I am sure you will be safe there with her. And when I leave you with her, perhaps you could introduce me. I would very much like to meet her.
The girls eyes widened and she physically stumbled, holding a bit onto Monsieur Lenoir’s arm with both of her hands so as to prevent herself from falling. She wasn’t sure whether or not the poor old woman could handle such an encounter. After all, she knew from firsthand experience that meeting a strange masked stranger of a man could be rather frightening, and she feared nothing more for Mamma Valérius that scaring the old woman quite literally to death with all of the terrifying things there at the Manor. Even if Monsieur Lenoir was a gentleman, the mere sight could be rather startling for one unprepared.
“I… I do not know,” she said, faltering with her words. “She has not been well lately… I…. well… ummm…. Perhaps it would be…. better if…. If you just… didn’t meet?” She winced slightly. How was one to tell someone ‘I don’t want my mother to meet you because she might keel over at the sight of you’?
“Yes, it was my decision,” she said, perhaps a bit sharper than was really necessary for her to. “There is only one man in this world who has the right to demand an account of me, and that is my husband. Well, Monsieur Lenoir, I am not married yet, and even when I am, if, I am, I do not intend to simply stand there while my husband tells me how I can and cannot live my own life.”
She pressed her lips together firmly and then stopped for a moment, inhaling sharply through her nose, and then breathing out through her mouth in an audible sigh. What was getting into her? She was never so snappy unless she was dealing with a great amount of stress, which while it was true that she was, she really regretted it. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t have had to have been dealing with any of this. It was already beginning to take a toll on her health, both physically and mentally, and she was not certain as to how much longer she would be able to endure it…
She let go of Monsieur Lenoir’s arm and then buried her face in her hands for a moment, rubbing her temples lightly as if to try to ease a headache. “No… she finally continued, more softly and more gently now. “No, it was my decision… Too much ill has already come from my being on the stage… And besides, one cannot devote oneself fully to two loves. One will always end up neglected in the end… I do not wish for that to happen…”
She sighed again, peering out between her fingers for a moment, and then lowering her hands from her face. “….Perhaps that is not entirely true, but please, I… I do not wish to discuss it any further right now…” Truth be told, it was really that she was frightened of the prospect. If she sang yet again, what was to prevent the previous tragedies of the stage from repeating themselves. She would never live a life without music—it was physically impossible—but a life without a stage that she’d never wanted in the first place was perhaps safer for everyone’s sake.
She looked back to Monsieur Lenoir with her blue eyes which seemed to be almost eternally laden with fear. There was a time, when she was a little girl, that she had been quite fearless of the world, out searching for demon elves in the middle of the night, listening to old ghost stories in the dark… But life had nearly crushed that courage she’d once had. She was still a fighting spirit—she always would be—but it wasn’t herself she was afraid for… It was the safety of everyone around her… of those she loved and cared for.
She’d never truly realized how very mortal people were until her father had died. When her mother had gone, she had really been too young to recall any of it, and when the professor had died, he was old, and had already lived out his full life, but to have someone so close to you die so suddenly in the middle of their life… to see it ended so shortly… it really changed how one was able to look at anything ever again. And with the many deaths that had seemed so circled around her performance at the Garnier, she no longer knew how to take any of it.
“I’m sorry,” she said finally, blinking a few times and turning away from him again before taking his arm once again. She wished she could stop being so very afraid all of the time, but she was no longer sure how. She supposed that was part of why she enjoyed being around Raoul. He made her feel like she had when she’d led him about as children. He made her feel brave again…
As they continued walking, she kept her eyes downcast for the good majority of the time, attempting to calm herself again. This Manor had brought up such conflicting and unwanted emotions ever since she’d first arrived and she truly did dislike it. She wished that she could have been back home, in the comfort of Mamma Valérius’ little flat, safe and sound, and without all of the fears and worries that this place continually brought up.
It wasn’t long at all before yet another fear was brought into light with Monsieur Lenoir's question: I am sure you will be safe there with her. And when I leave you with her, perhaps you could introduce me. I would very much like to meet her.
The girls eyes widened and she physically stumbled, holding a bit onto Monsieur Lenoir’s arm with both of her hands so as to prevent herself from falling. She wasn’t sure whether or not the poor old woman could handle such an encounter. After all, she knew from firsthand experience that meeting a strange masked stranger of a man could be rather frightening, and she feared nothing more for Mamma Valérius that scaring the old woman quite literally to death with all of the terrifying things there at the Manor. Even if Monsieur Lenoir was a gentleman, the mere sight could be rather startling for one unprepared.
“I… I do not know,” she said, faltering with her words. “She has not been well lately… I…. well… ummm…. Perhaps it would be…. better if…. If you just… didn’t meet?” She winced slightly. How was one to tell someone ‘I don’t want my mother to meet you because she might keel over at the sight of you’?